Today is the day I end the hypocrisy of telling Crissy to write in her blog, then neglecting mine. For now, anyway. But this is about more than asserting my self publishing dominance over my attractive friends, I promise.
As is evidenced by the timestamp of my last entry, I am terrible at creating good habits. Literally the worst. I can keep to a weekday schedule at best, but free time is usually surrendered to my whims and what I can only hope isn’t festering mental illness. Some days are better than others, but I usually end up pondering whether my experiences are a symptom, or just what being a human adult is like. But it’s not the type of thing you can just ask someone. Too many intricacies of what makes a person, and god forbid you ask a narcissist what life is supposed to be like, you’ll just get a very boastful oral history of the first time they realized they had shit figured out. I’m incredibly wary of people who claim to have it all figured out. We all have blind spots, and its better to be aware they exist, in my opinion.
But habits! I want to start small. I’ve been attempting to clean my apartment for at least 15 minutes a day, practice piano for at least a half hour, take the time to put on makeup in the morning, and make it a point to reach out to people instead of waiting for them to talk to me, keep a daily document open for free writing. Oh, and regularly write in my blog. All of which I’ve met with varying success, as there are still days where I do not leave the couch. It would be easy to claim this is because my dog is gone, but I had the same problem when she was still alive. It’s not like there will ever be a point in time where I’m not sad about it, however the same can be said about a lot of things. Doubt this one is a symptom.
So maybe I should think smaller. Though it is going to be an incredible challenge, I am finally ready to unlearn years of muscle memory and training, and only use one space after a period. It is a lot harder than it sounds, the double thumb tap is as much a part of me as my snort laugh. Neither is pretty but both are part of the package. I just did it again, good lord. Even when I’m consciously typing about changing the habit, my right thumb is just not having it. Backup plan: Create a WordPress plugin that removes extra spaces after periods from the WYSIWYG editor. Oh, well shit. Apparently it already exists, but could likely use an update. Or I could just use a find and replace function in my child theme like some sort of web developer, but maybe I would like to help the less technically inclined. Or just use the find and replace in my browser like a normal person.
Either way, first person to find the double space wins.